What We Did This Year

It's almost the end of the year, I'm almost 31, and I just got bangs again because ugh I was bored and you should know me by now. I did mostly everything this year and now I'm tired and taking time these last few days of 2017 to reflect. To recap: I moved from Chicago …

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I Love Candy Forever

I was thinking about candy today, like I do most days. After Halloween a few people brought in their leftover candy and dumped it in a bowl behind my desk. So now at lunch I've been eating those one-bite Musketeers and Snickers and avoiding the Smarties. I shouldn't be eating any candy. I've written at …

Did You Enjoy Planning Your Wedding?

http://gph.is/1UOSVLF Lately I've been focused on writing short, satirical comedy pieces and now I'm self-conscious about my ability to write essays. So I'm literally only writing this to prove to myself (and public) I can still write semi-serious, long-form work. You happy? Halloween is next week and for the first time in years, I don't …

The 8 Years It Took Me to Get This One Job

I've been trying to make a living as a writer since I graduated college 8 years ago. Sometimes it feels like forever ago since I was told I did not get the Groupon Coupon Editor job, and I cried inside a janitor's closet inside a South Loop daycare center (one I was inexplicably hired at …

Hand in Marriage

I got engaged and suddenly everyone was looking at my hands. Right after I got engaged I was talking to a colleague and as she was looking down at my ring she said, “It must have been a surprise proposal, you don’t have your nails done.” I vaguely remembered hearing that was a thing some …

June + July

HELLO. It's been over a month since I last wrote here and I'm feeling weirdly self-conscious about it! I was thinking about just not addressing it but that didn't feel ~authentic~ So now comes the part where I tell you all the reasons I've been away and you can decide if they are valid or …

New York is a Dump

New York trash cannot be held back. For some reason I underestimated its resiliency even though it would stand to reason that a city defined by its toughness would extend to its garbage. The trash here is mobile. It's constantly getting swept up and transported to some block or subway train tracks or bodega entry. …